About two years ago, perhaps a little less, I began a new hobby of occasionally drawing self-portraits. Not daily, but maybe weekly or every other week. Nowadays I probably only do it a few times a month, but for a while it was a much more regular activity for me. I became intrigued by the idea of self-portraits through Leonard Cohen's last poetry book, The Flame, which was gifted to me a few birthdays ago for potential songwriting and lyrical inspiration. It has served its intended purpose, but an intrigue I wasn’t anticipating gaining from the book was the fascination with the multitude of Leonard’s self-portraits that are littered throughout the text. Almost every page that there is a poem or song on, there is a new interpretation of Leonard Cohen drawn by Leonard Cohen.
I’m not positive why he drew so many of these portraits…but a quick google search tells me that they were “a means of self-exploration and documentation of his changing physical and emotional states. He used his own body as a muse, reflecting on his physical appearance and its connection to his inner self. His drawings, often done in ink and watercolor, revealed a man preoccupied with the physical and a mirror of his moods, including moments of self-deprecation". Sounds good enough to me!
They were fascinating because even though most were done with the same utensils, ink and/or watercolor, there seemed to be so many different styles of artistic approach and widely varying interpretations of his physical appearance. It’s not like he was replicating the same drawing over and over again…he made his mood very big in each drawing, and expanded his thoughts at the time both through words of poetry beside each drawing as well as artistic choices. Both of these things contributed to the volatility of each attempt at a self-portrait.
In the end, it was just interesting to see how he saw himself. And how he interpreted the drastic changes in himself based on his mood and emotional state…a theme that occurs throughout the majority of his musical catalog. This concept fascinated me…the idea of being able to learn more about how you see yourself internally based on how you interpret your external appearance through an artistic medium such as drawing. I am not a drawer at all…and most any visual art I’m not very proficient in (at least not from a professional perspective. I don’t know the “rules” but I can throw some shit together and have it not look half bad…it’s also a lot of fun!) So the goal was never to make these self-portraits “good”...although I was interested in seeing how well I could actually replicate a physical image…the goal was just to see what I could learn about how I see myself through how these drawings came out.
Self-Portraits
It didn’t take long for me to learn a few lessons. What I’d do is, instead of taking a picture of myself, I would just move a small mirror I have laying around the house over to the couch, sit in front of it at a fairly straight angle, and then I’d just go for it. I have a little sketchbook less than a foot tall and some nice fine point pens as my weapons of choice. I wouldn’t do full body drawings, instead opting for just a shoulder-and-up approach. The main focus was the face though.
The first thing I learned was how impossible noses are to draw. It’s just not possible. It always looks either way oversized, or non-symmetrical, or too beast-like. The second thing I learned/noticed was how long I consistently drew my face. To me it didn’t seem like I was drawing my face long, and even as it’s been brought to my awareness that this is a consistent mis-representation I administer to these drawings…I still draw my face “long” almost every time I attempt a self-portrait. The only times I don’t are if I’m consciously trying not to and when I do, I feel like I have to really squeeze my face together to avoid a hanging face. I don’t see my face as being long to the point of deformity…but I do see myself as having a rather egg-shaped head. Nothing wrong with it, it just is what it is. A big egg. This self-deprecating-but-also-accurate thought was a revelation once I showed some of these drawings to friends and the public.
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