"And what do you do?"
How we're always trying to singularly define people
I remember back in my junior year of high school, there was a day (or series of days) where we had some sort of scholastic fair where there were a bunch of different booths setup that we could roam around and engage with. In each booth was a representative that could give you information about a different profession or career. There were various engineering booths, business related booths, law booths, a military booth, possibly one for teaching, as well as many others of the like. The goal of this fair was for us to consider “all” of the options, see what we felt like was a match for us, and then bring our answers to a follow up meeting with our school guidance counselor who would then assist you with planning classes to take your final year that would best set you up for going into college to pursue this chosen career path.
I was 17.
And I was actually one of the older gentlemen in my grade so most kids were still 16 at this time. And we were being asked to make decisions about the careers we wanted to pursue, and the job-fields we wanted to occupy for THE REST OF OUR LIVES! Even at the time, this felt a little strange to me. Mainly because there was no “artist” booth at this scholastic fair, which immediately made me feel out of place, and left me with a very very small albeit important voice in the back of my head that was softly suggesting “am I making a mistake here?”. But also because even at 17, I had the overwhelming feeling that I should not be choosing what I want to be at that moment. I’m sure teachers and educators who put those sorts of events together would tell you that “we just want you to explore the options” and “it’s not about choosing a career path, it’s just about getting you thinking”...and all of that may be true, but it can’t be denied that there is a (not-so) subtle message and energy that suggests that there are certain acceptable career paths to fall into and it’s probably for the best if you just fall into normalcy. Or even worse than normalcy, it’s the idea that kids are so encouraged even at a young age that if you choose the one thing that they want to be as soon as possible, there is a benefit to that.
I’ll take a brief moment to contradict myself and say that I do think there is a benefit to recognizing a passion early on in life. My girlfriend knew she wanted to be a ballerina around the age of 6 or 7 and now she’s a professional dancer because she spent her entire childhood training. Artists specifically who acquire that calling for what they want to do at an early age are so much further ahead of the game than those who find that calling later in adolescence or adulthood. And the same applies for those with a passion in business or technology or any other field…so I do not write this as a means to discourage young people from following a passion. I write this as a means to discourage the idea that we always need to be ready to define ourselves and our futures by choosing a single path.
I is who I is
After ignoring all of the options and moving to Memphis to pursue music, after a little bit of vulnerability, practicing and searching I came to be a decently known guitarist locally. Eventually, after crossing some sort of tipping point…I became the person who was reached out to for what felt like every other local gig that was taking place for about a year or two straight. I played for rock bands, soul artists, an R&B artist, rappers, and pretty much everything else in between. (if there even is anything else in between) Even after I started writing and releasing my own songs, it was incredibly difficult to get my community to understand that I was more than just a guitar player…it took years for this to seep through. But that’s what happens, people see you on stage playing the guitar well, and they think “that’s a guitar player, I need him for guitar”
And I don’t blame anybody for having that thought, because it makes sense…but I found that after I fed into that need time and time again, it just became my singular identity to everyone around me. Though I’ve never spent a day of my adult life where I’ve felt “singular”...I’ve never felt like there is one thing that defines me.
The algorithm sucks
I see the same sort of thing happening all across social media today. We are rewarded for being one thing. The algorithm rewards us. We post this and we post that, but then we post that one video of us painting that does really well…so now we want to recreate that same angle and same energy and replicate it so we can continue getting the views/likes/engagement. We post that funny joke that goes over really well and we go viral, so now all we want to post are more jokes because that’s what people will keep coming back for. Even myself, getting some really great “engagement” off of an acoustic guitar playing video I posted from outside and then steadily recreating that for several weeks trying to see if I could achieve some sort of snowball effect…which worked temporarily until I became ridiculously unfulfilled.
And there are several problems here:
We are so quick to believe that it’s better to define ourselves as one thing. After all, as mentioned before, we are rewarded for it. With numbers and red hearts and re-shares, we see the benefit so we want to make ourselves as easily understood as possible so people know that they can keep coming back for more of that one thing. We are so fast to believe that that is what’s best
There is a system in place that rewards us for being easily understandable. There is an algorithm in place that feels like it either intentionally or unintentionally discourages diverse identities, and if it feels confused, it ignores you, leaving you feeling ignored by the world.
Everyone actively using these platforms eerily quickly falls into the craving of singular, easy-to-understand identities. We want to know that we can come back to that one profile to see that one kind of video, and if it’s not there anymore then we are really quick to abandon our curiosity and find new entertainment as opposed to being invested in a new journey. We complain about the system, and then turn around a feed right into it.
